Dear Almost Lover

Dear Almost Lover,
You were like a drug to me. You lured me in with your lies and deceit, and like an addict, I fell for it. When I didn't have you around I craved you, and when you left me for something better I was shattered. It felt as though my heart was breaking into a thousand tiny pieces. Each time I went to pick up the pieces I would get cut, each wound deeper. Did you care? No. I decided I didn't care about you anymore. 2 months passed by without a word spoken, then without warning you came back, like a drug that I had been dying for. This time I was not so willing to hand my heart over. I proceeded with caution. I would not be hurt by you again. When you were done with me you just tossed me aside, like I didn't even have feelings. I should have stayed away but life is about taking chances, and maybe this time it was worth the risk? Another 2 months passed and I didn't hear from you. This time, I picked myself up and told myself that I was done. I would no longer fall for you "I miss you", " I want to see you", "Wanna cuddle?" I moved on with my life.

All of a sudden I am important again Almost Lover? Another month has passed and now there is an urgency to see me. I receive texts several times a day, everyday for a month. I get phone calls telling me how much you want to see me. Why do these texts and phone calls come at 12:30am? Are you lonely? Are you wishing I was there for you? Truth be told it was funny to watch you beg. I enjoyed telling you that it was too late and if you wanted to see me to call me at a reasonable hour!

I will not be lured in to your games. I am worth more then you have treated me.

Last night I wrote you off and you were angry. You thought I would keep coming back for more. My question to you is "how many times can I break til I shatter?" I was tired of it. "Are you still interested in me?" you ask! Truth be told Almost Lover I found someone else. Someone who likes me for me, and not what I can do for them. He makes me smile, and laugh and when his arm grazes mine there's an electricity. Who knows where it may go, but what I do know is that I will not be returning to you. The mere fact that I found someone else sent you into a tailspin. I am no longer in your grasp and you wont have me to depend on anymore.

I wish you the best of luck in life. Maybe one day you will realize the way you treat people will come back to haunt you.

Take Care,
L

Doing something inspiring!

When you are working for a cause, it's amazing how far you will push yourself. When I started walking in January I just needed something to keep my mind busy. I didnt want to sit at home and miss my friend who had passed at the end of Decemeber. I didn't want to walk past his apartment door on the way up to mine to stop and knock to catch up on life. Then I decided to sign up for the Breast Cancer 3 Day and got my friend Liz and her roommate Ellie to join us. The night Liz and I signed up for the walk I got home, walked past Ryan's door and found myself standing there. I wanted to knock but knew that no one would answer the door. I am coping with the fact that he wont answer the door. I also know how proud he would be of me.

So, we started walking in the middle of January. So far I have walked almost 150 miles! I can't begin to explain how good that feels. On days where I am not feeling the best, I am tired, or just really dont want to force myself out for a walk I do it anyways. If someone can fight through chemotherapy, radiation and losing their breasts then I can get myself out that door and try my hardest. I think about the people who I am walking for and know the fight they have put up.

Fundraising has been going very well. I am so happy with the support of my friends and family. My team "The Boob Trotters" and I had a great fundraiser at Max and Erma's and brought in quite a bit of money. We were all very pleased with the out come. Our next big fundraiser will be in June! We are doing a bake sale and car wash. It's going to be a blast, and I can't wait!

I recently found a tent mate for the walk. Her name is Kelly. She posted on the Michigan message boards that she was looking for a tentmate.. She is such an inspiration. As a mother of 2 she was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. In June she had a mastectomy and then last month she had her other breast removed. I am so excited to share this experience with her.

On Pam's blog she has listed things pink that she loves, and creativly she has pictures. Although I don't have any picutres as of yet, I will also be posting things that are pink that I love.

My first item: Stargazer Lily. Truly a beautiful flower. More to come later...

Fun with the foogies

Last night Steph and I went to the rec center for water aerobics. We had been talking about going for weeks now, but we finally went last night. We were the youngest by about 35 years. We got there and jumped right into class, although after discussions of grandchildren and arthritis we were feeling a little left out. I had an absolute blast. Not only was it fun, but entertaining to say the least. We've decided to sign up for the class and take it every Monday night.

My goal for March is to walk 60 miles. I am fairly close, so I assume I will make the goal, which makes me happy. Official Breast Cancer 3 Day walk training starts in the middle of April. I am fired up about it. I truly can't wait. I am already ahead of schedule so the first few weeks of walking should be a piece of cake.

Time to set another goal....

Feeling Rushed

This week has been insane. That is the only way to catagorize it. I am in the midst of breast cancer 3 day walk training, buying a car, preparing for a second interview, going for a second interview, working 65 hours just this week, doing nanny stuff since the little girls mother is out of town and not feeling very well.

I have so much to do and feel like I am rushing around to do it. I had to take tomorrow off. There is no way I could work a 12 hour day and get everything I needed done. I am going for my second interview tomorrow with ICW. I am nervous and excited at the same time. This job would be a great opportunity for me. The first interview was difficult. Even though I prepared myself for the "type" of questioned that I woud be asked...they threw me for a doozie and didn't ask any of the questions I thought they would. I did my best at answering them. Tomorrow I sit down with the director of the program. This could be intimidating, but I feel confident in my abilities and hope I can "wow" her.

I am picking up my "new to me" but used car on Saturday morning. I am looking forward to the 4 wheel drive! My Honda has gotten stuck this winter 4 times. I know we are coming into spring but my little Rav-4 should take me the distance should I need it to.

Now, this week my time is not my time. It's Olivia's essentially. I get her up in the morning, get her ready for school, drop her off at school then head to work. After I get out of work I go get her, take her to tutoring, get her dinner, homework done and off to bed. In the hour I have between getting off work I am going to try and squeeze into the secretary of state to update my address, and do some more cleaning of my old car.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that I get everything done tomorrow afternoon. I have a team mate coming over to go for a walk, and then I am cooking a big dinner for Olivia and my friend Steph.

If I take baby steps and do a little here and there I should be ok. If I try and cram it all into a few hour period I am bound to crash out. So, keep your fingers crossed that I get everything accomplished without losing my sanity. :)

Weekly wrap-up

It's finally Friday! This week has been wonderful. I was able to have some "down time" and relax. It's amazing what a little peace and quiet can do for your mood.

Despite the snow and cold, it's actually not bad training outside. Once bundled up and walking at a decent pace the cold air hitting my face doesn't bother me. I walked 15 miles this week and will ad a few more miles on this weekend. On Wednesday I went walking with my team mate Liz at Gallup Park (our usual training spot.) She had some a prior engagement so after 1.5 miles she had to leave. I continued on. It was very quiet out, not many people on the paths since it was icy. I love times like that. I stood at the water edge for a while watching the geese and swans after my walk. Truly it doesn't get much better then this I thought. I think life gets so hectic sometimes that we forget to just stop for a minute, take a deep breath, and take in the scenery around you.

I've walked 80 miles since deciding to walk the Breast Cancer 3 Day. I am really proud of myself. It's nice to have the support of friends and family too. Some of my friends are joining me on walks even though they aren't going to do the 3 Day walk. They are there for support, stories and laughs. This has been a great experience so far. I can't wait until official training walks start next month. I am eager to meet new people and share this experience with them

Training for the 3 Day!

"Love life, engage in it, give it all you've got. Love it with a passion, because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it"-Mya Angelou
I've walked a lot of miles in the month of February. I am putting everything I have into hitting the pavement, despite the snow, rain, and bitter conditions.
I've formed a team with some of my friends we're called "The Boob Trotters." I look forward to the nights that we walk, it's a time to catch up on life and enjoy the scenery. Each walk is truly beautiful, most nights we get to see the sunset over the river.
Fundraising has been really good. I have recieved several donations which I am so appreciative about. I am also doing bottle drive and Max and Erma's, a local restaurant is donating 20% of their sales on March 19th to my cause with a flyer.
I have had so much support from everyone. It's truly heart warming. Thank you!

"Words mean more than what is set down on paper. It takes the human voice to infuse them with shades of deeper meaning."

Why I walk

After giving it a great deal of consideration I decided to walk in the breast cancer 3 day walk. This cause is very important to me. Although I don't have breast cancer in my family, I know of 3 phenomenal women who have surrived this fatal disease. In the honor of Ruth Shabazz, Susan Loomis and Pat Heybl I will be walking 60 miles. If they can fight their disease then I can walk 60 miles to help find a cure.
I have also made it a personal goal to walk 1,000 miles prior to the breast cancer walk. I am looking forward to this journey. I know that it will not be an easy road, but I know the rewards in the end will be amazing. I can't wait!
This poem was posted on someone's breast cancer page and I really loved reading it.
There's an empty seat at the dinner table where a mother use to sit.
She's 34 years old, full of life and dreams and two small kids.
There's a young man with a tear in this eye and pink ribbon on his coat, in memory of the only love he'd ever known.
There's a lady looking in the mirror without a single strand of hair, she barely recognizes the woman standing there.
She's waging a silent war against an enemy inside and putting up the fight of her life.
That's why we walk.
We honor them all and that's why we walk.
She lays in a cold small room in a baby-blue paper gown, anticipating what the x-rays might have found.
Then she hears the words that always stop you on a dime and pray that they found it in time.
That's why we walk.
We honor them all and that's why we walk.
For life for love, for one another, for him, for her, there's strength in numbers.
We walk to remember, we walk to celebrate, that's why we walk, leaning on each other, and holding on to faith,
for those who are gone and those who live on.
We honor them all and that's why we walk.